That Adele song is making an impression on me, for lots of reasons. I wonder if you have heard it, perchance.
I'm getting reacquainted with my computer after a long hiatus. This old laptop has stored my thoughts for several years now, and it's showing its age, just like I am.
I celebrated another birthday, got through the holidays, and floundered with house projects over the last few weeks.
I am not finished. I have boxes to unpack from our move, now that the floor is finished downstairs (new tile) and shelves are installed.
The third purge is about to begin.
I do hate purging!
It seems so wasteful, on one hand, but then freeing on the other. Because we are all bibliophiles at this house books enter the premises frequently---weekly---but getting them sorted and culled is a task for the brave of heart. I struggle with letting perfectly good books go.
It's a compulsion. It's a weakness.
Since we are talking about weakness, this is the opportunity to confess another one of my weaknesses. (Confession is good for the soul!)
I've been convicted lately about my unquiet spirit.
Being a quiet person does not necessarily denote having a quiet spirit. I know quiet people who seem that they are about to burst, their spirits are just raging, and my spirit can detect that.
My spirit rages. It rages against politics, injustice, deceit, fleeing time, hurt, sickness, schedules that conflict, broken cars, circumstances, slights, stupidity.
Yes, confession is good for the soul. You know my dark heart!
But I realized that having a truly quiet spirit would be the answer to my "issues."
So that is what my heart longs for in 2016. I want to know what a quiet spirit is, what it looks like in others, and what it could be in me. I am not sure I can even understand what a quiet spirit really looks like.
We are all in an unquiet world, where rage seems to be the topic of choice served up from the media daily.
"Can you believe this....?!" "Unbelievable....!"
This is exactly opposite of what Christ desires for His sheep. He wants green pastures, quiet waters. He wants us to be still.
Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God."
This is my prayer.
As I wait for my Shepherd to come and take me away to His greener pastures I want to cultivate a quiet spirit.
Perhaps this incident sparked my resolution, but while we were in Indiana at the beginning of December for our quiet days of reflection, holed up in the Staybridge Suites, (we didn't leave the hotel for three days---a first in my life) a co-worker of my husband's, who is extremely generous, and a fellow believer, gave him a beautiful bracelet to give to me. It has Psalm 46:10 engraved on it.
"Hello from the other side..."
It did seem like a message from my Lord. It sparked a real soul searching. I'm wearing it. I even forgot to take it off going to the jail one night, (it dinged the metal detector!) and I was reminded of its message as we had fellowship there. Spirits are not quiet in jail. They are raging, grieving.
One of those nights the most extraordinary thing happened. A prisoner began to weep and cry that she had just received her sentence---10 years---and she was so heartbroken about her children growing up without her.
We all felt the pain.
Another prisoner spoke up with the most encouraging hope for her. "The judge doesn't set the sentence... the lawyers don't....GOD DOES! You did wrong, you're going to pay the price, but you are out of here as soon as GOD decides your sentence is over! Put your trust in GOD and HE will take care of your kids and YOU!"
I said "AMEN!" Loudly. It just came out.
These things that we endure are so bound up in God's plans for us. We, who belong to HIM, have that priceless endurance that knowing God's timing is perfect gives.
We are given a gift of eternal treasure. God has got it. God has our backs. God cares.
So, seek God. And cultivate that peace that passes all understanding. He knows our "sentence" in this life----that trial that plagues us, the circumstance that gets us down.
Give it to Him. Be still. Wait.
My spirit is learning things. Now my body is going to get up and get some boxes unpacked...
Boot camp for the soul.
