Monday Musings

Tomorrow begins the last hospitalization that is scheduled for Ed's leukemia chemotherapy treatment. We are hopeful that it truly will be the last hospitalization.

Alas, if he gets a fever or any other dire illness symptoms he will be hospitalized.

But let's hope.

So, I am ready for the week, though somewhat flutter-brained. Our weekend included the big performance of our fall concert for the Northern Lights Chorale. Girl's Night Out happened, with my friend and her daughter, and my two girls: we saw the play "Pride and Prejudice" at the local Christian school. My husband's parents were here for the weekend, and we tried to stay quiet and low-key despite the events.

I still feel rattled tonight. Maybe it's because Margaret had a minor car accident over the weekend. Maybe it's because I'm feeling the need for some introvert time. Maybe it's the freezing cold and early snow pack outside. Maybe I see our parents and ourselves aging, gracefully, surely, but still the path slopes downward.
Maybe all the bells and whistles of dealing with meds and clinics and being very ill are at an irritating high pitch.

Perhaps it's all these things combined. I guess I'm ready for the week at the hospital, but inside I'm wishing I could be doing normal stuff.

Normal for me, at least.

Thanksgiving is coming. Plans are forming for the day's celebration. I started buying ingredients for the goodies. Last year I'd have been doing...

No need to bemoan any loss here. The Lord has placed us right where we need to be.

I skimmed an article this past weekend. It was about God not letting us suffer beyond what we can bear. It pointed out that that wasn't what Scripture said. It says we won't be tempted overly. Really there are no guarantees that we won't suffer extremely. Maybe even beyond what we can handle.

But we do know that the Holy Spirit ALWAYS stands with us, always helps us, always keeps us. I truly believe that He never lets us go.

Suffering will come. Pain, death, torment are facts of life. My mother-in-law knows some people who have never suffered much. I don't know anyone like that. I think everyone I know has been through hard times of some sort---illness or loss. Now I don't know anyone personally who has suffered torture. That is a whole realm about to be unpacked in our world. Evidence of horrible acts are turning up on my internet feed daily.

And we shouldn't look away.

We watch and steel our own hearts in the promises of God.

We meet the demands of our days with hope in our hearts, put there by the Holy Spirit.

Please continue to pray for Ed. These next days will be boring and difficult. The chemotherapy puts him in a compromised state health-wise. The next stage of chemo will be similar to what we experienced right after the diagnoses.

And yes, I'll have to administer chemo at home again.

Ugh.

Not sure if that starts the week of Thanksgiving or if it will wait until after that holiday. Certainly we'll be in the midst of it through Christmas.

Thank you for your kindness in keeping up with us, reading these posts, praying, checking in. We value, we treasure your concern, your friendship. We don't want to depress our friends. We want to show that these hard times can truly be navigated with God's presence.

Knowing Him makes all the difference.

I can't tell you how many moments of doubt I've had that have been cleared by His thoughts answering, clearing up questions. They happen in the sleepless nights, the reveries of afternoon.
Each moment of doubt confirms my need for God. The same God of Abraham touches my heart. He stoops to comfort me.

And faith becomes stronger with each confrontation of doubt. Amazing.

Looking up. It's going to get better!