September

 We're all down in September. Sept, the seven, the month of summer's death, Rosh Hashanna, (Jewish New Year), Feast of Trumpets, 9/11, school beginning, darkness closing in.

But it is beautiful too, with pumpkin spice and flaming color.

The nip in the air promises fall feasts and rest from the harvest labor.

We are humans with cycles and rituals, festivals and circumstance. We operate on these patterns because God ordained it. Accepting the need for discipline and order is simply human.

And within that order come craters of deaths and births, events that steer us into altered paths and orders.

Last fall my esteemed and fascinating brother was killed by a drunk driver, along with his wife and the taxi cab driver they were with. My order changed then. I had a complicated relationship with him, ever since I can remember. I admired him, loved him, and observed his clamor to the top of his industry---finance, and his interesting family life. I was always on the periphery, but I was deeply affected by him. He was my brother. 

I was still processing the termination of my relationship with him when another, more profound, relationship terminated: my marriage. With my husband's sudden death in June I was changed.

Through all of this I have questioned my God, the one who created all things and sees all of time.

Why, Lord? 

It is in these moments of deep thought and loss that I find a rock hard foundation of Biblically-based faith, the faith that tells me God means IT for good.

That He is the one that wins. That He hears my prayer, or at least the prayer of a clean heart, repentant before Him.

That God is still in control. That HE promises to be MY husband, father, helper, sustainer.

My husband and my brother are no longer a part of my life, and it is a startling thought to wake up to in the morning, each morning. Two people who had taken up so much of my life just aren't there anymore. 

I immediately tell myself that my husband WOULD NOT WANT TO COME BACK to this life on this earth for now---the millenium, maybe, but not now while Deception rules. He is in bliss right now. That is what my faith teaches. That is what I choose to believe.

Have you ever wondered how deep your choice goes? 

It is in the worst moments that your choices bear fruit. 

But that doesn't ease the situation for those still living with consequences. I still remind myself to breathe. I still wipe those tears. I still question the future and plead for new horizons of goals and outlook. 

I know God is in control. That is my foundation. Whether I die tonight----or live to be 120, I know my rock, and it is Christ Jesus. 

Kings and presidents will come and go. Regimes will rise, administrations will fall. The New Order will come----and go. (Probably soon, by the look of things.) God will remain, and His promises will not fail.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.