Wouldn't it be handy to run to the store for a medication that eased the pain of Loss?
It's really crippling pain, and it hits so hard you can hardly get your breath.
Somehow I believe that it must rip through your soul and body to become functional again, but I'm afraid it leaves a scar, a gaping hole, a wound that cannot ever be healed.
Actually I know it does. I have a loss that I will never recover.
Everyone has been kind.
Many still do not know that Brian is having fellowship with Jesus right now. I'm still calling and cancelling stuff that was on the calendar, letting the news out steadily.
I had to write those of you who do keep up with us, and tell you that I am grateful for all the support that you have shown me and our children. Many, many dear ones showed up for the visitation Monday. It was just a beautiful expression of regard for Brian, and I was deeply touched.
We buried Brian at Fort Snelling on Tuesday, where he wanted to be. We were only allowed 50 people at the service, so it was only family there.
Many have sent cards, food, money, flowers, and other gifts. I am deeply touched.
Everything given has been such a blessing to me and those that have traveled from overseas, Alaska, Connecticut, Colorado, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Kansas. It was so good to have something to offer as refreshment. Thank you. It was wonderful to have hot water (a new water heater, as the old one gave out the morning Brian passed away!) installed by friends, the lawn mowed and trimmed by other friends, and wood split and stacked for winter by many, many helpers.
I have been unable to write personal notes yet, but I acknowledge your wonderful help!
I've have been unable to process everything mentally, but I'm coming out of the fog and pain and seeking to shuffle the papers and business into something I can interpret with the help of my brother and sister-in-law. He's been wonderful. He has been helping with our other brother's affairs since his death last October, so he knew exactly what to spot for me. I would be lost without his advice.
Brian died of a massive heart attack at age 57. Three of his arteries were 85%, 75%, and 42% blocked.
I say this because of the concern I have for all of you that should probably get a really good heart check. Brian was fit, worked hard physically, and looked great. (He was chopping down huge trees all spring, slinging the axe around and hauling huge chunks of trunks.) The fish and game officer in New Hampshire told me he had to have an autopsy because he looked so healthy. The report came back and shocked us all.
There is a history of heart problems in his family, but we never imagined such an early effect. It was stunning.
I say this because you should have your affairs in order. Brian and I were both pretty sure the Rapture was about to take place. I'm still pretty sure it's soon. We were banking on the Rapture...
Not soon enough.
I'm stuck holding the shreds of life, and we were not prepared.
Sit down with your spouse or loved one and share ALL the documents and passwords, ALL the pertinent information.
My husband HAD prepared for an accident. I'm not lost in that way, but it was certainly a chore to ferret out all the information. I just wasn't interested in any of the business. Brian did it all so well.
Don't delay! Get your papers in order TODAY. If for no other reason that it is nice for anyone who may find it.
Tell someone EVERYTHING!
I'm saying this in humility. I let Brian do just about anything paper-related. He sweetly managed ALL of our business. He had a servant heart, and he gladly served me and our marriage that way.
I just wish I'd been a little more interested in all of it now. I simply lived and enjoyed.
I relate to the despicable character "Skimpole" in Dicken's "Bleak House." "I'm a child! A perfect child!" he said often.
Nothing to be proud of.
Well, I'm growing up fast, with horrible growing pains as well.
No one is supposed to die from a heart attack in their fifties. Yet I know and take some odd deep comfort in knowing that our days are numbered already. Nothing surprises God. I can rest my grief in God, and trust His perfect plan for Brian to join him first, and for me to join them both SOON.
For now I'm in survival mode.
When Ed had leukemia I comforted myself that God had his days numbered, nothing would take him before that appointed time, not one day too soon. Even with his four brushes with death I was comforted, knowing God's sovereign hand was holding us. Ed is with us, cured of cancer.
With Brian I had no expectation of death. I simply look back on that unthinkable day and tell myself that the rule still applies. I don't understand it, but I believe it.
When death happens it is an appointment. That fact comforts even in hindsight. God is still good.
Life is hard. Sin is real. Death is sure (except for the Rapture.)
The medicine for all of this is faith in Jesus Christ, and HE heals.
The healing is slow (will it come?).
Yes. His promises are sure.
I'm working out the details, praying for God's hand in all of it. (I still have so many things to process!) I selfishly ask you to continue to pray for us at Corgi Hollows when God brings us to your mind.
MARANATHA!
It's really crippling pain, and it hits so hard you can hardly get your breath.
Somehow I believe that it must rip through your soul and body to become functional again, but I'm afraid it leaves a scar, a gaping hole, a wound that cannot ever be healed.
Actually I know it does. I have a loss that I will never recover.
Everyone has been kind.
Many still do not know that Brian is having fellowship with Jesus right now. I'm still calling and cancelling stuff that was on the calendar, letting the news out steadily.
I had to write those of you who do keep up with us, and tell you that I am grateful for all the support that you have shown me and our children. Many, many dear ones showed up for the visitation Monday. It was just a beautiful expression of regard for Brian, and I was deeply touched.
We buried Brian at Fort Snelling on Tuesday, where he wanted to be. We were only allowed 50 people at the service, so it was only family there.
Many have sent cards, food, money, flowers, and other gifts. I am deeply touched.
Everything given has been such a blessing to me and those that have traveled from overseas, Alaska, Connecticut, Colorado, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Kansas. It was so good to have something to offer as refreshment. Thank you. It was wonderful to have hot water (a new water heater, as the old one gave out the morning Brian passed away!) installed by friends, the lawn mowed and trimmed by other friends, and wood split and stacked for winter by many, many helpers.
I have been unable to write personal notes yet, but I acknowledge your wonderful help!
I've have been unable to process everything mentally, but I'm coming out of the fog and pain and seeking to shuffle the papers and business into something I can interpret with the help of my brother and sister-in-law. He's been wonderful. He has been helping with our other brother's affairs since his death last October, so he knew exactly what to spot for me. I would be lost without his advice.
Brian died of a massive heart attack at age 57. Three of his arteries were 85%, 75%, and 42% blocked.
I say this because of the concern I have for all of you that should probably get a really good heart check. Brian was fit, worked hard physically, and looked great. (He was chopping down huge trees all spring, slinging the axe around and hauling huge chunks of trunks.) The fish and game officer in New Hampshire told me he had to have an autopsy because he looked so healthy. The report came back and shocked us all.
There is a history of heart problems in his family, but we never imagined such an early effect. It was stunning.
I say this because you should have your affairs in order. Brian and I were both pretty sure the Rapture was about to take place. I'm still pretty sure it's soon. We were banking on the Rapture...
Not soon enough.
I'm stuck holding the shreds of life, and we were not prepared.
Sit down with your spouse or loved one and share ALL the documents and passwords, ALL the pertinent information.
My husband HAD prepared for an accident. I'm not lost in that way, but it was certainly a chore to ferret out all the information. I just wasn't interested in any of the business. Brian did it all so well.
Don't delay! Get your papers in order TODAY. If for no other reason that it is nice for anyone who may find it.
Tell someone EVERYTHING!
I'm saying this in humility. I let Brian do just about anything paper-related. He sweetly managed ALL of our business. He had a servant heart, and he gladly served me and our marriage that way.
I just wish I'd been a little more interested in all of it now. I simply lived and enjoyed.
I relate to the despicable character "Skimpole" in Dicken's "Bleak House." "I'm a child! A perfect child!" he said often.
Nothing to be proud of.
Well, I'm growing up fast, with horrible growing pains as well.
No one is supposed to die from a heart attack in their fifties. Yet I know and take some odd deep comfort in knowing that our days are numbered already. Nothing surprises God. I can rest my grief in God, and trust His perfect plan for Brian to join him first, and for me to join them both SOON.
For now I'm in survival mode.
When Ed had leukemia I comforted myself that God had his days numbered, nothing would take him before that appointed time, not one day too soon. Even with his four brushes with death I was comforted, knowing God's sovereign hand was holding us. Ed is with us, cured of cancer.
With Brian I had no expectation of death. I simply look back on that unthinkable day and tell myself that the rule still applies. I don't understand it, but I believe it.
When death happens it is an appointment. That fact comforts even in hindsight. God is still good.
Life is hard. Sin is real. Death is sure (except for the Rapture.)
The medicine for all of this is faith in Jesus Christ, and HE heals.
The healing is slow (will it come?).
Yes. His promises are sure.
I'm working out the details, praying for God's hand in all of it. (I still have so many things to process!) I selfishly ask you to continue to pray for us at Corgi Hollows when God brings us to your mind.
MARANATHA!
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